…the things we leave behind

Ah my wonderful blog that I am too lazy to ever write on….
Just a note to all my readers (Chris - ha ha) that I will be home in 13 days!!!
I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3

Got back from San Juan about an hour ago and have all our wet laundry going across the street! San Juan was amazing…. I fell in love with the place from the moment that I got there. The boat ride there felt rather long because it was raining and we were getting water spalshed back all over us so we were all soaked wet when we got there. The ride back today was great though because it was sunny and we didn´t get wet at all. The first day after we got there we did a bunch of stuff with the kids - had a music time, craft time, skit time, and then for ¨sports¨ time we all went and jumped in the river! The river there is wide and GORGEOUS…. We spent a couple hours swimming and even after everyone else went up, I was down there with a bunch of the kids - it was a blast. Yesterday was our work day… The river has some shallow places during dry season (which is now) and at these places you have to get out of the boat and push it up or down the river, whichever way you´re going. This makes it difficult when they´re brining tourists in so we spent all morning and then all afternoon too, digging rocks out of the river. About 6 people stayed farther down stream in a really shallow part and they had 3 shovels that they were sharing. The current wasn´t strong at all so they were just scooping the rocks to the side trying to cut a small path through. The rest of us were probably 50 feet upriver where it was a little over knee deep and the current was really strong. We had to stand in the middle of the river and reach down and try to find rocks with our hands to bring up and throw onto the bank - while trying not to fall over… which was nearly impossible sometimes…. It was a blast though. We all got an incredible work-out and were completely soaked having fun. Someone was always losing balance and getting pushed down-river for a little ways before we could either grab them or they could get a footing and stand up. It was so much fun except that it hurt sometimes… I actually got a rock imbedded (seriously) into my knee so that only the top part was sticking out and the wider part of it was actually in my skin (from one time when I fell). It took Stacie and Meagan a good 20 minutes to dig it out with their fingernails while I held onto someone elses hand and squeezed really tight.. It hurt!! Then once they got it out I actually had a hole in my knee that was bleeding so i rinsed it out with the only thing we had… nice clean (coughcough) river water. Then later I sliced my hand on an old piece of metal that was attached to a canoe that some of us were playing with… (is my tetnis shot up-to-date? I hope it is and I think it is, just want to make sure though). Anyway - once we finished working at 3pm we all hiked back up to by the village and took a nice, leasurely swim… Once again everyone else was done swimming and I stayed down in the river with Riggo and a bunch of the kids for like an extra hour. Never had so much fun before.

Deep breath…. and exhale. A group of ladies is just leaving the internet cafe where I´m sitting with two of the girls in my DTS, leaving only us and the owners in here. The buzz of the computers is noisy (these computers look about 10 years old) but I´ve never been more thankful for a computer before..

The newness of Panama has worn off. The first 3 weeks were filled with new experiences and settling into living in a different country. Now, however, things are routine and steady. Every day brings new things and yet they´re all much the same.

I´ve found myself really frustrated all week… I´m not really sure why.. I think part of it is because the newness of things has worn off and it´s easier to get aggravated with things that you´re use to. Plus everything is so busy that there´s no time to just slow down, take a break, relax, and breathe… There´s no personal space even within, and everything is laid bare for all to see. Any pride you have is nailed to the wall when you´re living in a community and everyone knows everyone elses faults and short-comings.

Our days start out at 6 or 7am, depending on whether you get up to run or work out or not. Breakfast is from 7 - 7:30 and then you have an hour to have quiet time or take a shower… or both. At 8:30 there is a different activity each day. Mondays are worship, Tuesdays are recreation, Wednesdays are intercession (prayer), Thursdays are worship again, and Fridays are intercession again. This goes until 9:30 or 9:45 and then we immediately go upstairs to class. Class starts at 9:45 and is supposed to end at noon for lunch, however, this week we have been going till 1pm and then stopping for lunch. Three hours straight is a long time to sit and listen and learn…. Also this week the DTS and the SALT (leadership school) are having class together. So, we don´t have tables, just as lot of folding chairs set up in lines and the little airconditioner in the wall doesn´t cool off the hot air of 40 people very well… It is hard to concentrate. From 2pm, when class and lunch are both over, till 3:30 there is different things different days. Mondays are free time, Tuesdays are small group, Wednesdays are free time, Thursdays are small group, and Fridays are drama practice. At 3:30, work duties start. My work duty last week and this week is cleaning the kitchen after lunch, and after dinner. Now there are supposed to be 3 people on this cleanup, however, starting the beginning of the week one of the people on my cleanup crew left the DTS (her name is Lily and she´s from here in Panama… we´re hoping she will come back but I don´t think she will….). So, now the cleanup people are just me and Ed. Ed is our crazy 6foot 7in ¨frenchie¨and usualy he does the dining room and Lily and I would do the kitchen. Well… now I just do the kitchen. If I´m lucky and eat lunch really fast I can get it all clean by the next hour when class starts again… but if i don´t get it done I get to come back down and finish it after class. 

This week just started off bad… I didn´t pay any attention in class Monday and now I regret it because I have paid attention the rest of the week and it has probably been my favorite week of class so far - as far as content goes. The teachers name is Carlos Gomez and he´s teaching on Discipleship. Anyway - I don´t remember what all went on Monday but it was a really full day and everything seemed to go wrong. Tuesday I started feeling crappy and ended up cleaning for lunch, cooking dinner, and then cleaning supper. I was so tired I went to bed as soon as the kitchen was clean, about 8:30. Yesterday I woke up really sick. My head was killing me and I think I had swollen glands. My throat was sore and it felt like I had an ear-infection too. Just put me in an even better mood….. We had worship practice yesterday afternoon and then I spent the afternoon setting up the classroom for our special small group night Yeah, it was Valentines Day, and my small group got to plan the night!! It was the best party ever and we all had a ton of fun… (I´ll tell you about it later if I remember!). We watched a movie at the end and I fell asleep before it was over. I can´t seem to stay awake at night here…. First chance to go to bed and I take it! If you know me well, that´s just not like me….. I guess it´s all the getting up early though. Any way…

Today was a better day. I don´t feel as sick as I did yesterday. I cooked for Gabe today so I was in the kitchen pretty much from lunch to after dinner cleanup was done, then came down here to the internet cafe. Tomorrow is class then drama then i´m cooking for Kiiña and then I have cleanup and then there´s intercession so I probably won´t have more than about 5 minutes free time from 7am till 9pm.. and Saturday is another full day…..

This next week we were supposed to have a teacher named John Childers (i think?) but he is in Asia and we got an e-mail saying that he is really sick…. so he´s not coming. SO! This upcoming week is Panama City´s ¨Carnival¨.. basicly a giant Mardi Gras where everyone does as much drinking and whatever else as they can. So, Saturday morning there is something going on but I can´t remember what…. then Saturday afternoon-evening we are all going down to Panama City to do intercession and probably talk with people too… Sunday is church and then us girls have to go to the mall to get some stuff. Monday morning we´re leaving for San Juan Depeckani…(?) Please no one read this that knows how to spell that, lol, that´s how it sounds though so that´s how i´m going to write it…. We are going there Monday and coming back Wednesday morning. Wednesday afternoon us girls have to go to the city for a meeting and ¨training¨for what we´re doing the rest of the week…

There´s a Franklin Graham (Billy Graham´s son) conference or something or other big-shindig in Panama City and the all the guys from the DTS and SALT school are doing security for it and all us girls are going to be ushers for it. That will be Thursday, Friday, and Saturday… Sunday will be church and Monday will start another week of classes…..

I am thankful to be down here… I really am.. and yet sometimes… I wish we had a little time to just…. breathe. It´s so hard not to clash with people when you live in a community and have to put up with each other 24/7… It´s so hard not to clash with people when you have no opportunity to just get away and cool off a little when something happens… You have to deal with everything, right away, in the middle of a whole bunch of people. Anything that happens, everyone sees. Some people feel like they have to control everything or that they know everything or that THEIR way is the only right way… and that ends up just making me mad. Aaron and Andrew (if you read this), you know who Blake is… Well Tuesday was already a bad day and then I had to cook dinner with him and I was just waiting for a chance to snap at him… I don´t think anyone has made me that pissed off in awhile. Oh well… such is life…

The teaching this week has helped my week go from bad to better… I started off the week not even listening in class the first day (I admit..) and since then I have actually looked forward to class the next day. I wish I had my notes here because I would really like to post some of them… but i don´t. Sometime I will….

Prayer is always appreciated (I know ya´ll are already praying for me:)… As things go on and get busier, they also get harder. It´s hard to lay everything down at the foot of the cross and truly let it go… and not pick it right back up. It´s hard to lay down your will and say ¨yes¨to whatever God says… and then do it. I don´t know how to put in words the things that God has been doing in me but I know He is working in me. The desires of my heart are changing and they are what I want to be renewed even more… Something Carlos said in class today about discipleship is…

Discipleship is a lifelong process… It comes from everyday saying yes to God and whatever He brings your way. The road won´t be easy and the farther you go in this process, the harder it will become. But the reward, the goal at the end, the thing that we strive for and one day will reach…. is Jesus. Jesus is our prize, and that´s worth every rocky step we have to take along the way…

Our memory verse from this week fits pretty well… It´s from Matthew something or other… and says ¨He who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. He who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. He who does not take up his cross and follow Me, is not worthy of Me… For he who finds his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake, will find it.¨

I´m really looking and searching for where my life is suppose to go after this DTS is over and how God wants to use me so that is one area that I´d really appreciate prayer in.

For now I suppose I should go…. I´ve been on the internet an hour and a half and my time is almost up… :p I´m sure I´ll think of 10 other things i wanted to tell ya´ll as soon as I get off of here but for now I feel like I´ve said about everything…

Oh, also pray for this upcoming week!!! It´s going to be busy….

 All my love…….

Becca

hola mi amigos… well… still in panama… ha. big suprise there. have been doing a ton of stuff but don´t really have anything big to tell. went to the beach yesterday and got a lot of sun, it was so nice. No, i didn´t get burned though This morning was church and we all went to Gamboa since Crossroads wasn´t having a service for some other reason. They had to make two trips with the vans so us DTS students went about an hour and a half early so they could go back and get the other people and still be on time. fun fun. I´m actually loving everything about down here though. My whole DTS group is awesome. Total it´s 18 people - I think 7 guys and 11 girls. Right now we are at Albrook mall which is about an hours bus ride away. We´ve been here about two and a half hours and we´ve still got a little bit here before we leave so our little group decided to come and get on the internet. Tomorrow is our first day of real class and I think we´re sharing testimonies all day….. Then Tuesday! Well starting Tuesday we will sure have an adventure. We leave at 10am to start ¨NIKO¨- don´t ask me what it stands for because I don´t know. Anyway Tuesday through Saturday is NIKO and I know it will be a stretch. They won´t tell us anything about it but as far as I know it´s like a survival training thing.. There is a very limited set list of items you can bring and anything else that you try to sneak in will be confiscated. List of things that won´t be along?: Pillow, toilet paper, toothpaste, our own food, deodorant, soap, shampoo-conditioner, jewelry, makeup, or anything like that…. We basicly can take like 2 pairs of pants, one pair of shorts, three shirts, 4 pairs of underwear, (lol…) sandals, shoes, sleeping bag, a mess kit, a bible and a notebook and that´s about it. Joy joy joy… For 5 days. Do you know how bad we will stink and look? Not to mention FEEL!!!!! Guess it´s good for me…. Anyway… I´ll try to write a few individual messages before I have to get off (no promises) but I just thought I´d update ya´ll. love ya´s - - - me

….and he’s the only one who posts on it!  Myspace… Facebook… seems like other sites have taken over my attention as well as the attention of my other brothers. Sorry, Chris. It’s still nice having a website with our names though Guess myspace is an easier way to keep up with friends but this page is a lot nicer. Anyway.. .down in Chicago… for Christmas…. Everythings going okay so far. Went to a good Chicago pizza place right next door to Ryan’s apartment here for supper and all got filled up.. really full :0! Now we’re back at the apartment listning to Glad christmas music while the guys look through pictures on Aaron’s laptop from Andrew’s DTS. I will be going to do a DTS here soon… I guess about two and a half weeks. Yikes. I got a list today of all the stuff I need to bring - long list!!! It’s kinda scary… 5 months? Hmm… well it will be interesting and a good experience. Should be good times. Guess that’s it for now… Maybe more later?

It’s been waaaay too long since I’ve posted. (tho still not as long as Aaron).. I will put a plug in here - I keep myspace updated much more often than this so if you really want to know what I’ve been up to… www.myspace.com/bechubbs … I will also tell you tho that to see my page you have to join myspace and request me as a friend cause I set my page to private so not just anyone can look at it.

Life has been BUSY lately… Starting last week well I had family here that last weekend which I guess was over a week ago now - then Monday I went to Kirkwood and registered for my classes, Tuesday I worked, Wed. I worked all day, Thurs. I worked all day, got up early Fri. morning and left for WI, spent the weekend in WI, came back Monday morning, cleaned here for an hour or so, went to work at 3pm and worked all evening. Worked all day  Tuesday, and worked all day today.. phew… Now it’s almost 1am and I am still (stupidly enough) up. I work all day tomorrow then Friday morning/afternoon I baby-sit for Rodriguez’s then work at 5pm till..? then Saturday I baby-sit for Chris and Beck in the afternoon then work at 5 till…. who knows when again. Sunday morning is church and then I work sunday at 4 till…? Monday…. I have off work!!!!!!! And Tuesday school starts! Wow… I’m feeling tired thinking about it (of maybe I’m feeling tired because it’s late…) well anyway, I’m tired, so I’m going to go to bed. Night and love

thursday morning - things are going fine. it’s about 9am now. i work at 10am through lunch then tonight at 5pm again. tomorrow i work at 10am again then i’m going to baby-sit for rodriguez’s in the evening so they can go out. saturday i work at 10 and again at 5 and then sunday morning i’ll go to church and then i work at 4pm. that’s as far ahead as i have my work schedule right now.. anyway… i don’t have much to say. i’m really tired… luv y’all

Yeah, it really is Thursday this time I have my day right for once. Anyway, short post is better than no post at all, right? I worked this morning but they were so ridiculously overstaffed and slow that I got out of there about 1pm so that was pretty nice. This afternoon I think I’m going to go to IA City to Coralville mall and….? Hang out by myself. It actualy sounds pretty nice to me right now I haven’t just relaxed and been by myself for awhile. Sure, I’d probably rather go with a bunch of friends, but by myself will work too seeing as I don’t really have friends here yet. I tried calling Sarah but didn’t get anyone at their house so she is probably working. I don’t even know anyone else here. I might go watch a movie (”The Devil wears Prada”? looks kinda funny:) and shop a little maybe (But try not to spend money I don’t have to). Anyway then I work tomorrow morning and in the afternoon/’evening I’m going to baby-sit for Chris and Becky for a few hours in exchange for a ticket to the late show of Pirates that same night which they’re also going to see earlier. Sounds like a fair trade to me. I can’t believe the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie is finaly out! Heh, I’m excited. Hopefully it will be as good or better than the last one and not dissapoint. With Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Kiera Knightly all in it again, it’s gotta be good, right? I hope so. It looks good. Anyway.. I’m gonna take off. Just wanted to let y’all know I’m still alive. Oh, and I’m going home this weekend. Either Saturday night late after work or Sunday morning early probably in time for church. Then I’ll be there through Monday for sure. Luv y’all ttyl Bec

Well it’s Wednesday morning… I got to sleep in a little later this morning (9:30) so that was really nice. Dominic and Amelia had golf all morning but it started storming so that’s all canceled so we’re hanging out here again. Christina got home from California last night late and she’s at work this morning but I think it’s her last day of work. I’m going into the Country Club this afternoon to try and get my work schedule figured out. I can’t wait to start. I went and got a bank account set up yesterday afternoon at F&M Bank (no clue, just drove by and saw it and it looked nice and the people were nice). So.. in about a week I should have my checks and a debit card. Yay. Still need to look for car insurance and get my license and registration moved to down here. I have 30 days to get that done though. I sorta miss everyone from home but it’s nice being here at the same time. Nights are kinda lonely cause they go to bed about 9pm so I have lots of time with nothing to do after that (go to bed early? no way). I suppose that will all change once I get working and get to know people though. Anyway, Amelia is waiting for me to go downstairs and play some games so I should get going. Maybe I’ll update more often for a little while here… who knows Luv y’all

What you think?

Well it’s 11:13PM, Friday night, and in the morning I’m taking off for Iowa. It’s going to be new, diferent, and, hopefully! exciting I’m looking forward to it. I have a job waiting for me at the Cedar Rapids Country Club and should have as many hours a week as I want there. I’m hoping to get involved in a good church right away and think I’ll adjust to the move pretty quickly. I would write more but it’s late and I’m really tired and have another long day ahead of me tomorrow. I promise I’ll update… soon after I’m down there. Please remember to pray for me. Luv y’all